RARSP (the Rapid Alien Response Space Patrol) was noteworthy as a dumping ground for senior military personnel who, for whatever reason, could not be sacked for incompetence. That was until the Mud Lizard war of 2170 when General Xplozhen exposed their most senior staff as total misfits, incapable of filling the role of senior officers in war.
Of particular concern to Xplozhen had been Captain’s Krik and Noslen. Krik it turned out was addicted to the Class Alpha drug Orphium and during the war on the Moon with the Sequestrans had shot several of his own men, who he mistook as aliens whilst on a high. He was locked up when he started to believe he was a unicorn.
With Noslen things were even worse. His incompetence in the field on the Moon led to him blowing up an entire platoon of the troops he was responsible for. He blew himself up at the same time but survived. Unfortunately, he was mentally affected by the experience and subsequently drifted between relative lucidity and moments when he believed he was the Greek God Poseidon.
He was finally relieved of all duties when he slapped General Xplozhen at a briefing after the General tried to drink a glass of water, claiming that the General was stealing his property. After Xplozhen’s intervention RARSP was totally revamped and became the key inter-planetary fighting force it is today.
Earth’s leading unicorn jockey has been banned from all competition for life by the Board of Unicorn Racing. A veteran with over 20 years experience, and winner of the Sinosovurean Cup 7 times, Peakoch was found guilty of riding with a prosthetic horn on champion unicorn ‘Thrust’.
Thrust, winner of the Sinsovurean Cup 3 years in a row a few years back, made a surprising comeback in the recent Legends 500 race. He and Peakoch unseated all 7 other riders in the first half of the race using the trademark ‘unicorn thrust’ that had helped to make them both champions in previous years.
In random post-race checks, Thrust’s horn was found to be 1cm over the previous maximum recorded length for race unicorns. Closer examination showed that Thrust’s horn was actually broken and that PeaKoch had procured a prosthetic extension to enable Thrust to race again with a realistic chance of success.
In mitigation, Peacoch’s Attendant AIs attempted to show that his only motivation was to see his favourite unicorn, so distressed by the break in his horn, go out on a high.
Dougall McBeckHam was the Captain of Explorer 237, the first ship from Earth to land on Plasmolidium and encounter Mud Lizards.
Dougall was the first member of the McBeckHam clan not to pursue a career as an aireality star or intergalactic footballer for nearly a century. Accordingly, he was extremely proud to be leading the exploratory mission to this new world. The McBeckhams were the owners of Scotland.
Unfortunately, on Plasmolidium Dougall contacted malaria after being attacked by a mega-mosquito. He survived this but was subsequently massacred with the rest of his crew by unprovoked Mud Lizards attacks.
Dougall was returned to Earth by the Mud Lizards with a declaration of war carved into his and his crew’s foreheads.
Since then the McBeckHams have made another fortune from merchandising Mud Lizard memorabilia and associated fashion accessories.
Shares in Cortex the World’s leading provider of Thought Assistants plummeted yesterday as news broke that the Government Thought Commissioner was investigating them.
Cortex marketed Intermix in late 2222. The basic Intermix unit allows users who have it implanted to manage multiple thought based conversations and collaborative tasks with others who have similarly implanted units.
A variation of the basic unit, IntermixPlus can also automatically back up a user’s private thoughts if they request this. It is understood that a ThoughtNet marketing company has been using harvested private thoughts to target promotions to users.
Cortex denies that any of their data security measures have been breached and have assured users that they have not passed on stored thoughts to any third party. It is expected that the Thought Commissioner’s investigation will last several months.
For years can Earth had traded with Siluria. One of a handful of alien species that successful contact had been made with during the Discovery Period of 2150-2200, the Silurians had generally been a very friendly race.
Technologically not that advanced they produced 2 things that Earth imported in large quantities, Baffleberry juice, and silk rugs. The rugs were unique because they had living silkworms in them which meant that the rugs could be grown in the home to fit in the space.
All was fine until the evil Silurian Ambassador to Earth hatched a plan to export rugs with genetically engineered silkworms. At the flick of a genetic switch, the silkworms could be turned into giant monster worms. The Ambassador planned to flood the market with such rugs and then when enough rugs of this type were on Earth, mass trigger generation of the monsters.
His evil plan to invade and terrorise the Earth in this way was uncovered and foiled by the Inspector and Cat, with the help of Joosthava X Minot, in the Silurian Silkworm Affair.
For years deep space travel has been limited understandably by the speed possible from current hypersonic engines. Despite advances over the last century that have seen increases in the speeds possible to up to 100 times the speed of light, the basic nature of propulsion engines has not changed.
Now through the use of engines that ‘shift’ time as they work it is becoming possible to move large distances in space in a fraction of the time currently needed. Preliminary experiments conducted by Time-X, working with the engineering conglomerate e-Madgin, have used the first so-called ‘TimeDrive’ to propel a crewless satellite to Alpha-Centauri in a matter of a few hours.
A spokesperson for Time-X said, “Early results are very encouraging though it will be some time before we can be sure of the effects of the propulsion methodology on the human form.”
RARSP, the Rapid Alien Response Space Patrol, was formed in around 2056 at the behest of the then President of Earth, Ronald Trump jr the 2nd. At the time the decision to form RARSP was seen as just one of Old Ron’s’ (as he was affectionately known by his cronies) crackpot ideas. It arose after the Sequestran’s had been defeated on the Moon in 2056. Ron reasoned that where there was one alien species there would be others and that Earth needed a rapid response group that could be quickly mobilised in the event of any similar threat.
The Head of EarthLand Security at the time, who knew Ron was bonkers, took the formation of RARSP as an opportunity to put the worst performers of the Sequestran war into a unit that would effectively become an unused ‘white elephant’.
Little did she know that at some point in the future, 2170 to be precise, they would be the first military group from Earth to tackle the Mud Lizards.