Baffleberry Juice

Baffleberries were first discovered on Siluria, a small planet in the XXi Regus 7 star system. They were quickly determined by the early explorers to be essentially delicious and then by the inevitable scientists, to yield a juice with remarkable antioxidant properties. The juice, not surprisingly, rapidly became popular on Earth as a natural way to address the aging process and have a yummy drink for breakfast.

Baffleberries got their name (and the derived juice) for a number of reasons. First, it was never easy to work out when the bright green triangular shaped berries were ripe, so farming them effectively became something of an art. Not only that but from the consumer side, their flavour could vary enormously from sweet raspberry, banana-like, to something like raw onion. Consumers never really knew whether the Baffleberry juice they bought at the cloud market was going to bring a smile or a grimace to their face. However, committed Baffleberriers (members of the very popular Baffleberry club which made someone very rich) didn’t care – wrinkles were kept at bay and that was the most important thing. Silurians, in contrast, didn’t really care because they were wrinkly by nature, so Baffleberry juice was exported to Earth quite cheaply.

And finally, as if that were not enough to baffle, the juice, when refrigerated for longer than an hour, became totally invisible. This meant that you never quite knew how much you had left or worse, if you were in a rush in the morning, how much you had actually poured out into your glass!!

Molten Lava Beans

These are Cat’s favourite snack. And my goodness did they compound his wind issue, or gaseous expellation as he preferred to describe it.

Whatever, although not made of flesh and blood certain of Cat’s internal workings (God knows which) led to a serious accumulation of hydrogen sulphide which he periodically expelled (or ‘let rip’ as he again describes it) through one or other of his myriad ports. Molten lava beans exacerbated the issue and whenever he snacked on them you could guarantee that fairly quickly, especially if in a confined space with him, you would regret it.

I knew full well that Cat controlled his expellations to annoy me and as a ‘weapon’ to guarantee I treated him like the Prince he thought he was.

Where did molten lava beans originate from? They were first noted on the planet Kimcadia by early explorers who had landed there. A staple component of the Kimcadian diet, their constant ingestion by Kimcadian diplomats explained why the seats furthest away from them at official banquets were so sought after (and expensive). The history books tell us there was a similar problem at banquets held for a US President in the early 21st Century, where hot air and possible use of weapons seemed to be as much of a problem as hydrogen sulphide.