Mud Lizards

These creatures are a scourge on humanity – there’s no other way to describe them. Well actually there is. They are ugly, nasty, foul, cruel, stupid, slimy, smelly creatures whose sole purpose seems to be to take over Earth with increasingly complex plots. They also hate me. Unbelievable. Just because, on occasion, whilst saving rat Cat’s skin I may inadvertently have thwarted one or other of their stupid plans.

mud lizard

First on the Play Planet and then at Dinosaur Skyland I’ve had to deal with them interfering in my life. Cat has been little help, constantly refusing to help protect me from them. Honestly, at times I could believe he was in league with them.

Mud Lizards had first been encountered on a deep space mission in the 7th decade of the 21st Century, on the planet Plasmolidium in the star system Trappist-1. Actually, I believe the planet was supposed to be called Plasmodium because the explorers who first landed there found something very similar to the malaria parasite on Earth, that had been eradicated on Earth yonks ago. However, when the planet was registered, the official filling out the inevitable form forgot to turn on his audio spellcheck and well, the rest is hystery as they say…..

Anyway, years later when a heavily populated Earth ship landed on Plasmolidium, it was discovered that something much bigger lurked under the mud flats on the planet – the Mud Lizards. These fairly advanced (though as I wrote above, revoltingly ugly) creatures ate almost all of the humans who were on the ship and sent 2 survivors back to Earth with a message carved on their foreheads. The message was fairly short (obviously as it was on 2 foreheads) and basically was a declaration of inter-stellar war. Essentially, the first fight was a draw but then a few years later we won the second big fight and Mud Lizards wound up being quarantined on the planet Amora. Which is where I wish they would stay!!

 

Unicorn Racing

We all know what a unicorn is, don’t we? A mythical creature that’s been in stories since forever. Well, since about 2185 they’ve been real.

Basically, another output of cloning was what so many children on Earth had wanted to see for so many years. Having heard all the mythical stories growing up, like the Zombies v Unicorns trilogy (ok maybe I was a bit strange as a child…) finally unicorns were there for all to see.

Outline of a unicorn

Initially developed by ClonaCat (who at that time had failed dismally to clone cats with the same characteristics as recently deceased and much loved family pussycats) unicorns instantly became a massive hit in recreation areas for children and as real participants in plays and other live shows (now of course less frequent but still much sought after).

A few years after the unicorns started to be a kids attraction, some racehorse stables bred a couple and were allowed to include them in horse races. That changed though after several champion horses felt the unicorn in the race too often in their rear end and the horse racing governing body stipulated that horse and unicorn racing must be separated.

So whilst horse racing continued on its long-established path, unicorn racing developed its own unique niche. Unicorn racing was much like horse racing, the only difference being that there were more injuries to jockeys who often had to spend as much time with their ass in the air off the unicorn as they did on it. In fact, the Unicorn thrust (as it came to be known) gradually became a central feature of unicorn racing tactics and length of unicorn horn became as key a characteristic of a champion unicorn as speed!!

Crocodillo

Ahh, now a crocadillo was one of Earth’s first attempts at using inter-species cloning in the ‘specialist’ pet industry. By the end of the 22nd Century crocodiles had become quite popular as pets in certain parts of the World. This was in large part due to a highly successful airplay programme called Crocodile Challenge.

In CC (as it came to be known) the challenge was for individuals to domesticate a crocodile using a highly specialised approach to animal training developed by an old European countrywoman whose name was Agspeth Abernacleton (the Abernacleton’s were well known for their wildlife parks across Europe and Agneth developed a training  methodology based on implants that enabled her to control even the feistiest of animals, including crocodiles). After the success of CC as an airplay spectacle, the sale of trained crocodiles as pets went through the roof. Eventually, however, the unfortunate deaths of a few owners got noticed and it came to be realised that Agneth’s training approach had some flaws in it that only became apparent longer term.

At about this time a new generation company called CloneMate were experimenting in the area of exotic pets and for some unfathomable reason made a crocodile and armadillo hybrid. Armadillos were quite docile and cute and the most aggressive act they tended to practice was rolling up into a ball. This non-aggressive nature was just as well because the resultant hybrid, the crocadillo, was to all intents and purposes an armoured crocodile, albeit fortunately a quite docile one (mostly).