Going to the Loo in Space

When I went into space for the first time (that was to Planet Pzzxamix to investigate Trebor Snosrap) I was nervous about the whole toilet thing. Extra anxious and shy about such matters, I had envisaged I would spend most flights with all relevant sphincters tightly clenched until the journey ended and I could find a proper toilet.

How relieved I was (in more ways than one) to discover the Space SaniDroid. A sort of auto-loo that allowed you to go in total privacy even with someone else effectively standing right beside you. Shielding you from all potentially embarrassing noises and odours (whether the producer of such or recipient) the SaniDroid was every nervous ‘toileter’s’ relief station.

Of course, everything happens so much more naturally on a spaceship in the 23rd Century where artificial gravity has removed the weightlessness problems associated with excretion. So the SaniDroid has no need to worry about airflows, essential for early space travelers to ‘go’ safely.

The only possible problem with a SaniDroid is linked to unlikely power failure. That has happened to me once. All the lights went out and the body permeable door to the SaniDroid disappeared leaving me potentially visible to everyone whilst engaged in duties on my throne. All would have been ok though as with the lights out my modesty was preserved until Cat showed up with a massive torch……

Peakoch Thom Banned for Life

Earth’s leading unicorn jockey has been banned from all competition for life by the Board of Unicorn Racing. A veteran with over 20 years experience, and winner of the Sinosovurean Cup 7 times, Peakoch was found guilty of riding with a prosthetic horn on champion unicorn ‘Thrust’.

Thrust, winner of the Sinsovurean Cup 3 years in a row a few years back, made a surprising comeback in the recent Legends 500 race. He and Peakoch unseated all 7 other riders in the first half of the race using the trademark ‘unicorn thrust’ that had helped to make them both champions in previous years.

In random post-race checks, Thrust’s horn was found to be 1cm over the previous maximum recorded length for race unicorns. Closer examination showed that Thrust’s horn was actually broken and that PeaKoch had procured a prosthetic extension to enable Thrust to race again with a realistic chance of success.

In mitigation, Peacoch’s Attendant AIs attempted to show that his only motivation was to see his favourite unicorn, so distressed by the break in his horn, go out on a high.

Cortex Investigated by Thought Commissioner

Shares in Cortex the World’s leading provider of Thought Assistants plummeted yesterday as news broke that the Government Thought Commissioner was investigating them.

Cortex marketed Intermix in late 2222. The basic Intermix unit allows users who have it implanted to manage multiple thought based conversations and collaborative tasks with others who have similarly implanted units.

A variation of the basic unit, IntermixPlus can also automatically back up a user’s private thoughts if they request this. It is understood that a ThoughtNet marketing company has been using harvested private thoughts to target promotions to users.

Cortex denies that any of their data security measures have been breached and have assured users that they have not passed on stored thoughts to any third party. It is expected that the Thought Commissioner’s investigation will last several months.

 

Space Travel Revolution?

For years deep space travel has been limited understandably by the speed possible from current hypersonic engines. Despite advances over the last century that have seen increases in the speeds possible to up to 100 times the speed of light, the basic nature of propulsion engines has not changed.

Now through the use of engines that ‘shift’ time as they work it is becoming possible to move large distances in space in a fraction of the time currently needed. Preliminary experiments conducted by Time-X, working with the engineering conglomerate e-Madgin, have used the first so-called ‘TimeDrive’ to propel a crewless satellite to Alpha-Centauri in a matter of a few hours.

A spokesperson for Time-X said, “Early results are very encouraging though it will be some time before we can be sure of the effects of the propulsion methodology on the human form.”

WarDroid Accord

Earth’s Grand Council recently ratified a new accord covering the use of artificial intelligence by arms manufacturers. The new commitment to ensuring that AI enabled weapons cannot act independently has been welcomed by all 4 major national blocs.

Both AmmoTel and GreenAid, the World’s two leading arms suppliers have backed the accord stating categorically that they will only ever use AI for clear logistical or training purposes.

The key element of the accord will  be the establishment of a new body of weapons inspectors with powers to  check and test any weapon in any country anywhere at anytime. The work of the inspectors will be enforced where necessary by a fleet of PeaceDroids developed in collaboration between AmmoTel, GreenAid and the 4 major national blocs…..

 

Government closes Hera

Government securities forces have completed the evacuation of the independent aircity Hera, as Earth’s commission for the safe use of AIs struggles to bring the city’s core AI under control.

Hawkins, the artificial intelligence that has managed all of the city’s services and amenities for nearly a decade, suddenly decided to ignore instructions just over one week ago. In a series of bizarre decisions, Hawkins closed shops early, stopped traffic and started to deliver goods and services no one had ordered or wanted.

In order to mitigate risks to public safety Earth’s government has taken charge of the city, insisting on the evacuation in order that Cortex can investigate and determine what has gone wrong. Cortex manufactures the global AI control and failsafe system on behalf of Earth’s government. The independent city Hera uses a small start-up company’s control system and did so in efforts to break from strict government control.

ThinkFree, the creators of Hawkins, are claiming there is a government conspiracy aimed at putting them out of business and restore the government’s monopoly on enterprise level AI systems. A government spokesperson for the AI Minister dismissed talk of a conspiracy as utter nonsense. T

he spokesperson went on to say that the arrest of ThinkFree’s board of organisers was for their own protection.

Hoversocks

Who would have thought that there was more to come in the development of wearables that help us move from A to B? From hoverboots, to hoverbackpacks and hoverhelmets, we can now add the Hoversock.

Obviously normally sold in pairs, hoversocks are the ultimate for the aircast addicted couch potatoe. Float from couch to refreshment source at the drop of a thought.

Sales of hoversocks have been healthy since launch, though a few customer horror stories have recently rocked share prices in the parent company AirTech. Only last month an elderly couple who fell asleep watching old aircast re-runs off ‘Buddies’, woke up hanging from the ceiling of their apartment upside down. They might still be there had it not been for the swift action of their CareDroid and the prudent use of an antique so-called ‘ladder’ belonging to a neighbour’s artefact collection.

AitTech is still to comment officially.