Now a Mudlizard shows up!!
“Look Rubberstein, can I remind you, I’m the one with a tail. I’m the one who’s lost their willy and I’m the one no longer speaking sense. NOT YOU! So don’t pretend you can’t see why I might need to speak with these ethereal ‘will o’ the wisps’ you say you are communicating with.”
“Well,” said Cat once more, “excuse me for wanting accuracy but I do have a tail, I don’t have a willy and I don’t believe you’ve ever talked sense. So, what’s your point?.
Before the rage that had grown within me could truly explode, albeit doubtless in fluent Mudlizard, another voice cracked through the air with,
“You are just a collection of soon to be dead pieces Inspector.”
Cat hovered up the instant the voice started. At first I thought that our apparently friendly Sequestran postmaster had decided to speak to me but then as I lumberingly turned my body I realised this was not the case. As I looked behind me, to my horror, I saw a tail-less non-slobbery Mudlizard. It was speaking my language and said,
“When the Mudlizard leadership announced that they wanted you in itemised pieces Inspector, little did they realise that one of those pieces would be a Mudlizard’s tail.”
To be continued……..
Can you get me out of this mess?
“Look Cat, this is all very well but please, just take a look at me. I’m speaking gibberish, as far as I’m concerned anyway, and, I’ve got a tail. A tail. ANDDDD….I’m missing essential equipment in the form of my ‘willy’. Can you please get this story to some sort of conclusion that might actually tell me how the mess I’m in is going to get ‘unmessed’?”
“I was coming to that,” said Cat, “but I have to say again it’s hard for me to empathise as my experience of you is one of a human who specialises in speaking gibberish all the time and I also really don’t understand all the fuss about your missing equipment. Alright, I can kind of see how inconvenient having such a large tail might be. I mean tails are very important tools but I personally prefer the rather more mobile, small tail that I have. I’d hate to have one as big as yours.”
“It’s not MINE,” I yelled at Cat, “that’s the cursed point.”
“Alright, alright,” said Cat, “I understand. When it comes to tails I do understand. Also, I can assure you that the Ethereals have worked for years now to develop methods to correct any mistakes that do arise from the accidental movement and scrambling of biological organisms. This is why they have sorting stations like this one, to correct the occasional error that arises when biological matter gets accidentally moved or, as in your case, moved and scrambled.”
“All very interesting,” I said, “but tell me, how do you actually talk to the Ethereals?”
“lt’s like this ,” said Cat, “like most things, including you, it’s really quite simple. I just tuned my radio wave receiver until I hit the frequency that they transmit their thoughts at. Then I got my universal translator array to crunch the numbers and came up quite quickly with a way to communicate with them.”
“Right, so how do I communicate with them?” I asked.
“Hmmm,” said Cat, “I’m not entirely sure I understand why you should need to communicate with them but should this be required, you are welcome to communicate via me.”
Rage stirred instantly inside me and, in ‘borderline’ apoplectic mode, I promptly exploded.
To be continued…….
Cat duly continued once more,
“So, the Sequestran Order persuaded the Ethereals to help them try to invade Earth by first attacking the moon. Of course the Ethereals didn’t want to hurt anyone but their relatives were less concerned. As a consequence, having found a way to control the Ethereals, once on the moon they forced experiments aimed at making whole settlements, including the people, effectively disappear into the ether. As maybe you learned from the Star Trek episodes based on this, Earth’s Space Patrol engaged with the Sequestran Order on the moon and eventually completely wiped them out. At the time the forces from Earth had no clue of the parallel existence of the Ethereals. They have remained unknown to Earth, up until now of course.”
“I see,” I said slowly before adding, “so what have the Ethereals been doing since the end of the Sequestran war on the moon?”
“Yes I was coming to that,” said Cat before saying,
“Once they knew that the Earth forces had destroyed the Sequestran order they basically disappeared up their own holes. Their Quark holes that is. They initially went back to Sequestra their home planet and in the few years that remained before Sequestra was destroyed they developed their network of Quark holes. They worked out better methods to control the way matter was moved through the Quark hole network, so as not to affect living things so generating the energy they need to ‘breathe’ by moving just inanimate matter around from one place to another. However, having said that they still have the occasional accident, like the one that has affected you.”
As Cat paused I took the chance to voice some concerns,
To be continued……
“Not all Sequestrans of course evolved ethereal Quark hole dependency overnight. So naturally, tensions developed between the early Ethereals and the those who retained, largely, a distinct body. The Ehetreal group, dominating the Sequestran Order quite naturally in a sense as it faced extinction, sought a different path to salvation. They became much more aggressive, utilising their transportation capabilities to get themselves to other possible habitats in other galaxies. That’s what led to the Sequestran war on the Moon.”
“AHH, yes,” I interjected briefly, “I’d heard about that and in fact I think a trilogy of Captain Crack’s Star Trick series was based on that war.”
Cat rolled his eyes as he said,
“I find it astonishing how much of your apparent knowledge of life in the Universe is based on a fictional collection of science fiction stories first delivered up to humans in the late 20th Century. No small wonder you talk so much rubbish, even when speaking a language from Earth. And….” he paused momentarily presumably for dramatic effect, before adding,
“it was Captain Kirk in Star Trek you moron.”
“Was it?” I enquired.
“Yes it was,” said Cat, “not that I really care so could you please keep your puerile observations of fake history to yourself whilst I finish the story?”
“Alright, alright, no need to be so tetchy. I’m the one who’s had their willy stolen and had a massive tail attached to their backside,” I responded, “do please continue.”
To be continued……….