Commssters

Commssters were one of 2 principal races living on the planet Zizzdum, the other being the Faxons. Commsters were quite gentle humanoid beings and possessed quite remarkable telekinetic powers. Their heads were very large, to accommodate the rather large brain that they had and they had very long arms that almost could touch their equivalent of toes with little bending required. They loved to flap their arms about in a very animated fashion when communicating, a characteristic that had the first human explorers resort to wearing protective headgear to avoid getting unintentional, but hard, slaps around the back of the head.

With their telekinetic powers, they could control the movement of objects and make them disappear and re-appear at will. Though generally quite shy, Commssters loved the fact that early human visitors were so enthralled by their little tricks. Due to this, they developed a number of magic acts to entertain settlers from Earth on Zizzdum. A handful of Commssters have, in the years that they have been in contact with humans, become confident enough to offer traveling shows that visit outposts and space stations across the universe. They looked resplendent in their glittery clothes and pointy magic hats.

The Commssters have no name for themselves and no one is sure anymore why they are called Commssters . It is believed that the name derives from the first Commssters who tried to speak Earth language, inviting settlers into their shows with loud cries of ‘Come Sir’. They called all humans ‘Sir’ as Commssters were a) gender neutral and preferred short words where they could get them. However, their somewhat guttural interpretation of Earth language made it sound like Commsster. Well, at least that’s what my Great-Granny used to tell me and she knew a heck of a lot more than Cosmopedia about the old days.

I was also told by an old friend that they were called Commssters because they made people laugh at the way they communicated animatedly without actually saying anything and had a habit of bringing their hands, at the end of their very long arms, up to each side of their mouths and making clicking noises as their hands moved, reminding people of hamsters. Actually, thinking about it that sounds a bit more like kangeroos than hamsters. Maybe I’ll propose a name change to the Inter-Galactic Panel for the Naming of Extra-Terrestrials from Commssters to Kangeroosters!! Or maybe not……

eMDaDD

What does eMDaDD stand for? I had no idea myself until Cat told me it was Electronic Matter Dissolution and Display Device. What a mouthful!. Anyway, an eMDaDD is basically a system that can move inanimate or animate objects from one physical location to another in a flash. Well, actually there is no flash as such – it is just quite quick.

On Earth, around a 100 years ago in the early 23rd Century, a system called Fastmove was developed on Earth. Stimulated by a 20th Century sci-fi series which I believe was called Star Trick (well that’s what it says on Cosmopedia), though Cat maintains it was called Star TREK (but what does he know?). Anyways, Fastmove on Earth never really got perfected. In fact, it turned out to be unusable. Tested on humanoid robots and laboratory animals, one could never be certain that all limbs and other body extremities would re-materialise in the same place as they were originally on the object being moved. Naturally, humans (and especially politicians) were not too keen to use this technology if there was a chance their backside could re-appear where their elbow used to be.

Enter the Mud Lizards, who I’ve always considered to be a bunch of basically quite ‘thick’ lizardy type things. Turns out they’re quite smart and developed a device with Fastmove capability. Not only that but, as their dastardly plots show in our adventures, they also added to Fastmove the capability to change the shape of an object so that it closely resembled another. In the most extreme case, a Mud Lizard is able to re-materialise in almost perfect human form. Only when the Mud Lizard in human form flicks out its slimy tongue and grabs you sloshily by the throat do you realise that you are not face to face with a fellow being.

What slimeballs these Mud Lizards are!!!!

Siluria

Siluria was another Earth-like and habitable Planet discovered around the end of the 21st Century. Silurians were the dominant species on the planet and were basically bi-pedal, reptile-like beings with huge eyes and even huger teeth. They were, however (despite the teeth) an extraordinarily friendly and placid civilisation. They are one of only 2 extra-terrestrial groups that have made proactive contact with Earth with a view to meeting and sharing knowledge and expertise. And they did, of course, give us Baffleberry juice!!

The Silurian way of living was quite a basic one. They did have rudimentary technologies for communication (so they could phone home when they needed to) but they didn’t really have the lifestyle ‘tools’ that Earth had. So they didn’t need vehicles to move around on their planet and they only ate vegetables and fruit. They also didn’t wear clothes as they had no obvious dangly or otherwise private bits to hide. Procreation apparently only really involved their tongue. They had quite tough and wrinkly skins that varied from pale brown to almost black. So, all in all, they led a very simple life on a daily basis and enjoyed a very temperate climate that hardly varied as they went through their equivalent of a year.

Trade was limited with Siluria primarily because they had few needs and limited items to export. The exceptions were, of course, Baffleberries and also Silurian silk rugs, unique because living Silurian silkworms were incorporated in every rug. These were very popular on Earth as you could buy a small one and then if you ever moved to a larger place you could trigger the growth cycle of the worms and watch the rug grow to fit the space. Downsizing was a bit of an issue as there were no equivalent means of shrinking a Silurian rug. In addition, Silurian silkworms have quite strong legs which meant that on occasion a rug could go walkabout unexpectedly!!

Baffleberry Juice

Baffleberries were first discovered on Siluria, a small planet in the XXi Regus 7 star system. They were quickly determined by the early explorers to be essentially delicious and then by the inevitable scientists, to yield a juice with remarkable antioxidant properties. The juice, not surprisingly, rapidly became popular on Earth as a natural way to address the aging process and have a yummy drink for breakfast.

Baffleberries got their name (and the derived juice) for a number of reasons. First, it was never easy to work out when the bright green triangular shaped berries were ripe, so farming them effectively became something of an art. Not only that but from the consumer side, their flavour could vary enormously from sweet raspberry, banana-like, to something like raw onion. Consumers never really knew whether the Baffleberry juice they bought at the cloud market was going to bring a smile or a grimace to their face. However, committed Baffleberriers (members of the very popular Baffleberry club which made someone very rich) didn’t care – wrinkles were kept at bay and that was the most important thing. Silurians, in contrast, didn’t really care because they were wrinkly by nature, so Baffleberry juice was exported to Earth quite cheaply.

And finally, as if that were not enough to baffle, the juice, when refrigerated for longer than an hour, became totally invisible. This meant that you never quite knew how much you had left or worse, if you were in a rush in the morning, how much you had actually poured out into your glass!!

Molten Lava Beans

These are Cat’s favourite snack. And my goodness did they compound his wind issue, or gaseous expellation as he preferred to describe it.

Whatever, although not made of flesh and blood certain of Cat’s internal workings (God knows which) led to a serious accumulation of hydrogen sulphide which he periodically expelled (or ‘let rip’ as he again describes it) through one or other of his myriad ports. Molten lava beans exacerbated the issue and whenever he snacked on them you could guarantee that fairly quickly, especially if in a confined space with him, you would regret it.

I knew full well that Cat controlled his expellations to annoy me and as a ‘weapon’ to guarantee I treated him like the Prince he thought he was.

Where did molten lava beans originate from? They were first noted on the planet Kimcadia by early explorers who had landed there. A staple component of the Kimcadian diet, their constant ingestion by Kimcadian diplomats explained why the seats furthest away from them at official banquets were so sought after (and expensive). The history books tell us there was a similar problem at banquets held for a US President in the early 21st Century, where hot air and possible use of weapons seemed to be as much of a problem as hydrogen sulphide.

Hovermodule

Ever since normal cars were finally banned in around 2032 due to every national leader finally accepting that global warming due to fossil fuel use was real, there had been an urgent need to find alternatives. Even the USA finally banned petroleum engine cars though one of their former Presidents (I think his name was Ronald Tramp or something like that), on his deathbed, tweeted that the USA was succumbing to a Chinese/North Korean plot.

Anyways of course at the time there were electric cars but these simply did not provide those who really liked to rush about (e.g. Presidents, movie stars (as they were called at the times) or the idle rich (as they are still called in the 23rd Century) with the thrill of fast movement.

It was only when SCSM (super conducting – super magnet) technology was perfected and became affordable in around 2030 that essentially flying cars became real. The so-called Hovercar or Hovermodule quickly became the way to travel, finally leaving good old Mother Earth roads to cyclists. This was just as well as by this time most roads had so many cycle lanes that average car travel speed in towns was a measly 5Kmh (except in the UK where they still used Mph having finally left Europe in 2072). In fact since 2025 all new roads had been built with more bicycle lanes than car lanes. All new cars from 2025 had to have special rubberised coatings that cyclists could bounce off if they accidentally hit a car as they overtook on the inside or outside. What a relief it must have been for car drivers to leave the ground and be able to drive in relative safety.

Feelplay

No!!. In the 23rd Century Feelplay is not a condom. It’s an entertainment technology. Condoms were replaced a long time ago with some peppermint flavoured spray you squirt on your to tongue each month to prevent conception if so desired.

Feelplay was the obvious extension of Airplay. Airplay technology had allowed humans to ‘think’ the music of their favourite artists and images of their favorite movies or plays inside their head but Feelplay gave the extra added bonus that you could actually sing on stage with your favourite Airstars or act with your favourite actresses or actors. You could even create your own storyline with Feelplay(if you were in a movie or play) to suit your mood or desire to be a hero or a baddie for example.

Feelplay was, however, even in the late 23rd Century, a premium service that was generally only affordable for the extremely well off (normally airstars strangely enough…..) although there were various pirate services that could be accessed if you knew how. Not that I do know how though the best one can be accessed at Feelplayed123.cosmos………