Tag: unicorn

Peakoch Thom Banned for Life

Earth’s leading unicorn jockey has been banned from all competition for life by the Board of Unicorn Racing. A veteran with over 20 years experience, and winner of the Sinosovurean Cup 7 times, Peakoch was found guilty of riding with a prosthetic horn on champion unicorn ‘Thrust’.

Thrust, winner of the Sinsovurean Cup 3 years in a row a few years back, made a surprising comeback in the recent Legends 500 race. He and Peakoch unseated all 7 other riders in the first half of the race using the trademark ‘unicorn thrust’ that had helped to make them both champions in previous years.

In random post-race checks, Thrust’s horn was found to be 1cm over the previous maximum recorded length for race unicorns. Closer examination showed that Thrust’s horn was actually broken and that PeaKoch had procured a prosthetic extension to enable Thrust to race again with a realistic chance of success.

In mitigation, Peacoch’s Attendant AIs attempted to show that his only motivation was to see his favourite unicorn, so distressed by the break in his horn, go out on a high.

Unicorn Racing

We all know what a unicorn is, don’t we? A mythical creature that’s been in stories since forever. Well, since about 2125 they’ve been real.

Basically, another output of cloning was what so many children on Earth had wanted to see for so many years. Having heard all the mythical stories growing up, like the Zombies v Unicorns trilogy (ok maybe I was a bit strange as a child…) finally unicorns were there for all to see.

Outline of a unicorn

Initially developed by ClonaCat (who at that time had failed dismally to clone cats with the same characteristics as recently deceased and much loved family pussycats) unicorns instantly became a massive hit in recreation areas for children and as real participants in plays and other live shows (now of course less frequent but still much sought after).

A few years after the unicorns started to be a kids attraction, some racehorse stables bred a couple and were allowed to include them in horse races. That changed though after several champion horses felt the unicorn in the race too often in their rear end and the horse racing governing body stipulated that horse and unicorn racing must be separated.

So whilst horse racing continued on its long-established path, unicorn racing developed its own unique niche. Unicorn racing was much like horse racing, the only difference being that there were more injuries to jockeys who often had to spend as much time with their ass in the air off the unicorn as they did on it. In fact, the Unicorn thrust (as it came to be known) gradually became a central feature of unicorn racing tactics and length of unicorn horn became as key a characteristic of a champion unicorn as speed!!