Da-Hah-Winian Rabbit

This isn’t actually a rabbit at all. A rabbit, as we all know, is furry, has long floppy ears and hops. A Da-Hah-Winian rabbit is furry, but walks on all fours and has quite small pointy ears. It never, as far as anyone has ever observed, hops.

Native to the planet Kimkadia, Da-Hah-Winian rabbits are actually called Blijars on Kimkadia. Adopted quickly as pets by early Earth visitors to Kimkadia, some were brought back to Earth and became very popular with children. However, the name Blijars didn’t knock the socks off marketing companies who  came up with the name ‘Da-Hah-Winian Rabbit’ because:

a) Kimkadians learning Earth language tended to call everything that wasn’t human or a Kimkadian a rabbit because rabbits were pets that the first astronauts landing on Kimkadia had with them

b) The very first ‘contact’ Kimkadia had with Earth was via a ‘greetings capsule’ that had entered the Kimkadian atmosphere in the early 22nd Century. That contained a slightly corrupted aircast that referred to Darwinian theory, but unfortunately gave the impression that Darwin was God and therefore the creator of all species on Earth.  This led to Kimkadians adopting phrases like ‘Great Darwin’ or ‘Good Darwin’ whenever they tried to express surprise in English. In addition, they took for some reason to greeting new humans with the phrase ‘Praise be to Darwin’ and then eventually preceding almost every sentence with the same.

c) Finally, Kimkadians constantly introduced ‘Hah!’ into almost every phrase or sometimes every Earth word they spoke. This not only led to Da-Ha-Win but also Da-Ha-Winian. It also made Kimkadian conversations very long and tedious.

Anyway, out of all that the marketing experts came up with Da-Ha-Winian rabbit, a pet now popular as much on Earth as Kimkadia.

RickRock Persona Retired – Rumours of Inappropriate Thoughts

RickRock, Earth’s highest-paid Airstar and a central character in blockbusters like Alien Expansion and Black Hole Enchantment, is in the news again. This time, his persona, on show at multiple shopping outlets, has been accused of inappropriate thinking towards shopping avatars.

Rick and his representatives issued a denial that the Persona’s thinking was in any way linked to Rick’s. Whilst investigations continue, Rick’s management team have pulled all Persona’s from public places. Neurowall, the programmers of Rick’s Persona, have declined to comment.

RickRock’s latest AirFeature, Dandelions in Nebulus 70, remains on schedule for release in early 2225.

Joosthava X Minot

This lady is something of a mystery on Earth. Definitely mostly human, Joosthava is, however, a very advanced human. Some see her as a freak of nature whilst others consider her to be an evolutionary step forward for humankind. What many don’t know is that Joosthava is a product of deliberate genetic engineering and that she contains some DNA apparently serendipitously obtained from Planet X.

With her hybrid DNA comes an interesting hybrid phenotype. Long blue hair, matched by blue teeth is only a small part of her unique set of characteristics. Her hair, apart from being blue, can be converted at will into strands of varying thickness that can be flexible enough to coil around anything, yet very hard and able to apply immense pressure. The whip-like hair structures can be formed with points that can be used like the ends of sharp spears to pierce unfortunate, but potentially deserved victims. Joosthava is a famous Mud Lizard exterminator.

In addition to being an effective killing machine, Joosthava is also imbued with a natural capability to move through space and time. No one really knows how she does this, least of all her and as a consequence, after graduating from LifeAcademy with a Higher Calibre in Time Mining, she has devoted her life since then to understand how time can best be used for the benefit of all.

New Avatar-less Hovercars to be Tested

Fed up with your Avatar and the droning voice giving you constant updates on your journey? Well, worry no more – from 2230 the Dominion of Old Europe has sanctioned the use of aircast versions of ourselves that we can control to drive our hovercars. So in the not too distant future, if you get annoyed with the chauffeur, you will actually be getting annoyed with yourself.

Naturally, the use of what are to all intents and purposes exact copies of ourselves brings personal security risks. However G-Soft, who is leading this development (like every other development…) have assured the Dominion that the aircast MeDrones will be totally secure from hackers. Like their computers are, right?

 

G-Soft Computers

In the 23rd Century, G-Soft is mega. Massive. This corporation makes almost everything that drives the technology used for communication, collaboration and a whole host of domestic activities as well as for living and working in outer space. No 0ne really knows who owns G-Soft anymore. Its owner or owners are very private and quite mysterious individuals. The last known image of the G-Soft President is over 15o years old now. Presumably, that President has passed on but no one has a clue who the existing President is. They are just known as President G-Soft and he or she periodically makes audio-only aircast announcements about latest advances in their products. This, of course, drives various power mad Presidents of countries and other large corporations to periodically rant about the G-Soft President and blame him or her for all sorts of ‘ills’ that affect the World and indeed the wider Universe.

I remember when I earned my Digital Badge for the History of Digital technology I learned about G-Soft. If I remember correctly, in the early 21st Century the kind of service and software areas that G-Soft now monopolises were shared between 3 large companies. One I know was named after a fruit – it might have been the Banapple, one of the first hybrid fruits loved across the Earth. Then another big company definitely had ‘Soft’ in its title, might have been Gatesoft or Megasoft. The third big player at the time was called Dongle (but some friends have told me this used to be a device and that the real name of the company was Noodle). Wish I’d paid more attention when attending Junior Virtual.

Anyway, what I do remember is that all three of the big players, Banapple, Mega-Gatesoft (or whatever) and Noodle continually outdid each other with advances in their communication and collaboration tools. Then, one of them (and again not sure which one) patented ‘ThoughtPlay’ which revolutionised the way that users could interact with their communication devices. That company bought up the other two for mega-bucks and G-Soft was born.

Planet X

Planet X is a deeply mysterious place in the Universe. First discovered around 2085 by the Virgin Galaxy Deep Space Probe, no ‘being’ from Earth has ever actually been there. This is partly because Planet X keeps changing its celestial position quite markedly but primarily because it is shrouded in thick gaseous clouds. To this day even the composition of those clouds remains largely unknown and no space probe that has entered the planet’s upper atmosphere has ever returned intact. Planet X is now followed through the cosmos by Virgin Beacons that denote it as a ‘no-go’ area.

On occasion ships passing near to Planet X have received communication signals, strongly suggesting the existences of some advanced civilisation. Three manned missions have all ended in apparent disaster, with each ship disappearing and none of the astronauts ever being seen or heard of again.

The one exception was the Locator 27 space probe, that returned some biological matter to it’s orbiting mother ship. DNA subsequently extracted from this sample led to the birth of the now famous hybrid, Joosthava X Minot.

Time Miner

In the late 22nd/early 23rd Century, interest in being able to make use of time had blossomed. Early experiments conducted by President Professor E. Poch in the mid-22nd Century had demonstrated the principle of ‘capturing’ time from the edges of black holes.

However, various issues led to Professor Poch’s experiments being suspended. First of all, too many of the spaceships used to extract the time wound up being dragged into the black hole or enveloped in lethal gases from black hole ‘burps’. Secondly, the small amounts of time that were captured by these early experimenters couldn’t be used in an even vaguely controlled manner.

It was only in the 2190s when the first time battery was developed that it became possible to store and the discharge, with some control, packets of time. However, packets of time are notoriously unstable and managing them is as much an ‘art’ as a science. Only a small handful of individuals study time mining as the dangers that confront a trained time miner at work are so great. Statistics show that only one in twenty time miners live into their thirties though in many cases, rather than definitively dying, they simply disappear.