Calm, I must be Calm
I then realised that this distracting discussion was doing nothing really but exacerbate the fact that I was apparently morphing into the savage extra-terrestrial species that had, for some time now, been intent on dismembering me. Perversely, dismembering had sort of started without direct Mudlizard intervention with that bit of me I held most dear, for obvious reasons to any deep thinking male. Accordingly, I drew a line under the ‘willy debate’ I had been having with Cat and returned instead to a state of uncontrollable wailing.
At that, Cat hovered up close to my face and having reared up onto his hind legs, proceeded to slap me repeatedly with his front paws in an attempt to calm me. This worked quite well as, although made of Rubanon, his paws were ‘well hard’ and the slapping hurt quite a lot. I raised my rear end and swished my newly acquired tailup and sideways in his direction in an attempt to swat him away and stop the beating I was receiving. I managed to get the desired result, though my swipe actually failed to make contact with him as he moved up and away to avoid my intended blow. Suddenly I was quite impressed with my tail. I could get used to using it as a counter to irritants like Cat. It was of course no substitute for a willy but nonetheless impressive in its flexibility and obvious strength.
At that moment, as I found myself instinctively using my new appendage as a Mudlizard would, to basically try and kill something, I suddenly became calmer. What else could I do? I spoke to Cat in my new language,
“OK Cat. I’m calmer now. I get where I am. Now tell me, how do I get out of this? I want my willy back, I want to speak the language we speak on Earth and I definitely want to stop thinking that I should dismember myself to claim the Mudlizard leadership’s bounty on me!! Which of course, if you think about it, would be impossible.”
To be continued……