The Sequestran Dilemma – Chapter 3.9

How had this Happened?

I leapt around 180 degrees. Well, leapt is probably not very accurate. I made a lumbering multi-step turn to face the other way, just in the vain hope that maybe the tail wasn’t really attached to me. To my horror though, as I turned, the tail went with me. It was mine. But how? I decided to speak again even if it came out as gibberish as I knew in my head what I was saying and clearly also, Cat could understand the gibberish. So I said or rather shouted,

“What in the shadows of Ralos is going on!!”

Cat responded, “I have no idea. I’m not sure where Ralos is to be honest so have very little chance of knowing what’s going on there.”

I glared at Cat as I responded, spitting out each word in a most elongated manner,

“I wasn’t referring to Ralos directly you artificial idiot. I meant what is going on with me. Why do I have a tail? Why am I apparently speaking fluent Mudlizard and drooling like a Tigron in a chicken coop?”

“Tigrons are vegan you human synaptic disaster. They would not wish to be anywhere near a chicken coop even if chicken coops still existed,” responded Cat.

“Don’t split hairs,” I said in an exasperated fashion,

“They wouldn’t eat hares either,” said Cat, trying to be helpful or so he claimed.

“I meant……, don’t quibble about my dribble,” I said.

“A poet now….” murmured Cast, clearly amused by my stringing quibble and dribble together.

At that I positively exploded. It was inevitable. Me, Earth’s foremost Intergalactic Tax Inspector, wanted ‘In Itemised Pieces’ by the Muzlizards, the scourge of the Universe, had somehow become part Mudlizard. It was ridciulous.

“This has to be some totally unfunny joke. This is something you’ve done isn’t it you creature from the laboratory for unfortunate experiments?” I raged at Cat, in what sounded in my ears as yet another string of the now standard incomprehensible gibberish that it appeared was all I could manage. As I raged, drool positively ‘tsunamied’ from between my lips engulfing Cat in some significant deluge of dribble. As a gentle purple spark ‘popped’ out from one of his now sodden ears, he vigorously shook himself and raged back with,

“Listen you moronic DNA defective, nucleotide base-pair short of a sensible gene sequence human,” which was followed by a deep breath and more vigorous shaking before he very loudly continued with,

“ I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. YOU ENTERED THE COMBATDROME AGAINST MY WISE COUNSEL. YOU FELL DOWN THE HOLE. IF YOU HAD STAYED PUT WHEN I SAID TO, THIS PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!!!”

To be continued………

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