A Tall Tail……..
“What!! What!!” I retorted like a very grumpy parrot, “what are you going on about you blathering Jabbertwit.”
“I am not a a Jabbertwit you moronic a….” Cat failed to finish his sentence as all of a sudden he sailed through the air a good 20 metres at least, before bouncing several time like a flat stone ricocheting off the surface of a pond, before coming to a stop. This obviously unexpected ‘Cat flight’ had coincided with me turning around as sharply as I could manage, given the strange mobility problems I was having.
“What happened to you?” I said to Cat, “stop mucking around or did some mysterious force throw you across whatever space we’re in?”
By now Cat was back on all fours and approaching slowly. In a voice bristling with indignation he said,
“I was not kicked by any mysterious force. There is no mystery here. Your blasted tail imparted the force that sent me flying. You’re going to have to learn to control that thing whilst I work out what’s going on.”
“Huh? What do you mean tail you, you, you…. “ I struggled for a sufficiently abusive term to use to describe Cat finally settling on ending my sentence rather lamely with,
“That’s a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, if you don’t mind me saying,” said Cat.
“What are you on about?” I yelled.
“Well,” said Cat, “I know I have a tail but I’m a Cat. I’m supposed to have a tail. Humans are not supposed to have a tail. So I suggest that before you start calling me a ‘creature’ you take a good look back behind you and listen carefully to what’s coming out of your mouth.”
At that I froze, which wasn’t too difficult given the lumbering nature of my current movements. I looked over my right shoulder and forced my eyes downward as far as I could. I could see a metre or so of a slightly glistening and quite thick tail. It had a sharply pointed end. I then turned around clockwise as quickly as I could, which basically required about 7 steps sideways with my right foot, whilst my left foot followed with small forward stepping movements. As I looked behind and down once having completed the turn, I realised that the tail was still there, behind me. I blinked slowly and then Cat said,
“Looks to me like you’re getting it. Let me help the dawn spread further though across that barren desert that makes up your brain.”
To be continued……..