Baffleberries were first discovered on Siluria, a small planet in the XXi Regus 7 star system. They were quickly determined by the early explorers to be essentially delicious and then by the inevitable scientists, to yield a juice with remarkable antioxidant properties. The juice, not surprisingly, rapidly became popular on Earth as a natural way to address the aging process and have a yummy drink for breakfast.
Baffleberries got their name (and the derived juice) for a number of reasons. First, it was never easy to work out when the bright green triangular shaped berries were ripe, so farming them effectively became something of an art. Not only that but from the consumer side, their flavour could vary enormously from sweet raspberry, banana-like, to something like raw onion. Consumers never really knew whether the Baffleberry juice they bought at the cloud market was going to bring a smile or a grimace to their face. However, committed Baffleberriers (members of the very popular Baffleberry club which made someone very rich) didn’t care – wrinkles were kept at bay and that was the most important thing. Silurians, in contrast, didn’t really care because they were wrinkly by nature, so Baffleberry juice was exported to Earth quite cheaply.
And finally, as if that were not enough to baffle, the juice, when refrigerated for longer than an hour, became totally invisible. This meant that you never quite knew how much you had left or worse, if you were in a rush in the morning, how much you had actually poured out into your glass!!
These are Cat’s favourite snack. And my goodness did they compound his wind issue, or gaseous expellation as he preferred to describe it.
Whatever, although not made of flesh and blood certain of Cat’s internal workings (God knows which) led to a serious accumulation of hydrogen sulphide which he periodically expelled (or ‘let rip’ as he again describes it) through one or other of his myriad ports. Molten lava beans exacerbated the issue and whenever he snacked on them you could guarantee that fairly quickly, especially if in a confined space with him, you would regret it.
I knew full well that Cat controlled his expellations to annoy me and as a ‘weapon’ to guarantee I treated him like the Prince he thought he was.
Where did molten lava beans originate from? They were first noted on the planet Kimcadia by early explorers who had landed there. A staple component of the Kimcadian diet, their constant ingestion by Kimcadian diplomats explained why the seats furthest away from them at official banquets were so sought after (and expensive). The history books tell us there was a similar problem at banquets held for a US President in the early 21st Century, where hot air and possible use of weapons seemed to be as much of a problem as hydrogen sulphide.
Ever since normal cars were finally banned in around 2032 due to every national leader finally accepting that global warming due to fossil fuel use was real, there had been an urgent need to find alternatives. Even the USA finally banned petroleum engine cars though one of their former Presidents (I think his name was Ronald Tramp or something like that), on his deathbed, tweeted that the USA was succumbing to a Chinese/North Korean plot.
Anyways of course at the time there were electric cars but these simply did not provide those who really liked to rush about (e.g. Presidents, movie stars (as they were called at the times) or the idle rich (as they are still called in the 23rd Century) with the thrill of fast movement.
It was only when SCSM (super conducting – super magnet) technology was perfected and became affordable in around 2030 that essentially flying cars became real. The so-called Hovercar or Hovermodule quickly became the way to travel, finally leaving good old Mother Earth roads to cyclists. This was just as well as by this time most roads had so many cycle lanes that average car travel speed in towns was a measly 5Kmh (except in the UK where they still used Mph having finally left Europe in 2072). In fact since 2025 all new roads had been built with more bicycle lanes than car lanes. All new cars from 2025 had to have special rubberised coatings that cyclists could bounce off if they accidentally hit a car as they overtook on the inside or outside. What a relief it must have been for car drivers to leave the ground and be able to drive in relative safety.
No!!. In the 23rd Century Feelplay is not a condom. It’s an entertainment technology. Condoms were replaced a long time ago with some peppermint flavoured spray you squirt on your to tongue each month to prevent conception if so desired.
Feelplay was the obvious extension of Airplay. Airplay technology had allowed humans to ‘think’ the music of their favourite artists and images of their favorite movies or plays inside their head but Feelplay gave the extra added bonus that you could actually sing on stage with your favourite Airstars or act with your favourite actresses or actors. You could even create your own storyline with Feelplay(if you were in a movie or play) to suit your mood or desire to be a hero or a baddie for example.
Feelplay was, however, even in the late 23rd Century, a premium service that was generally only affordable for the extremely well off (normally airstars strangely enough…..) although there were various pirate services that could be accessed if you knew how. Not that I do know how though the best one can be accessed at Feelplayed123.cosmos………
These creatures are a scourge on humanity – there’s no other way to describe them. Well actually there is. They are ugly, nasty, foul, cruel, stupid, slimy, smelly creatures whose sole purpose seems to be to take over Earth with increasingly complex plots. They also hate me. Unbelievable. Just because, on occasion, whilst saving rat Cat’s skin I may inadvertently have thwarted one or other of their stupid plans.
First on the Play Planet and then at Dinosaur Skyland I’ve had to deal with them interfering in my life. Cat has been little help, constantly refusing to help protect me from them. Honestly, at times I could believe he was in league with them.
Mud Lizards had first been encountered on a deep space mission in the middle of the 7th decade of the 21st Century, on the planet Plasmolidium in the star system Trappist-1. Actually, I believe the planet was supposed to be called Plasmodium because the explorers who first landed there found something very similar to the malaria parasite on Earth, that had been eradicated on Earth yonks ago. However, when the planet was registered, the official filling out the inevitable form forgot to turn on his audio spellcheck and well, the rest is hystery as they say…..
Anyway, a few years later in 2170, when a heavily populated Earth ship landed on Plasmolidium, it was discovered that something much bigger lurked under the mud flats on the planet – the Mud Lizards. These fairly advanced (though as I wrote above, revoltingly ugly) creatures ate almost all of the humans who were on the ship and sent 2 survivors back to Earth with a message carved on their foreheads. The message was fairly short (obviously as it was on 2 foreheads) and basically was a declaration of inter-stellar war. Essentially, the first fight was a draw but then a few years later we won the second big fight and Mud Lizards wound up being quarantined on the planet Amora. Which is where I wish they would stay!!
We all know what a unicorn is, don’t we? A mythical creature that’s been in stories since forever. Well, since about 2125 they’ve been real.
Basically, another output of cloning was what so many children on Earth had wanted to see for so many years. Having heard all the mythical stories growing up, like the Zombies v Unicorns trilogy (ok maybe I was a bit strange as a child…) finally unicorns were there for all to see.
Initially developed by ClonaCat (who at that time had failed dismally to clone cats with the same characteristics as recently deceased and much loved family pussycats) unicorns instantly became a massive hit in recreation areas for children and as real participants in plays and other live shows (now of course less frequent but still much sought after).
A few years after the unicorns started to be a kids attraction, some racehorse stables bred a couple and were allowed to include them in horse races. That changed though after several champion horses felt the unicorn in the race too often in their rear end and the horse racing governing body stipulated that horse and unicorn racing must be separated.
So whilst horse racing continued on its long-established path, unicorn racing developed its own unique niche. Unicorn racing was much like horse racing, the only difference being that there were more injuries to jockeys who often had to spend as much time with their ass in the air off the unicorn as they did on it. In fact, the Unicorn thrust (as it came to be known) gradually became a central feature of unicorn racing tactics and length of unicorn horn became as key a characteristic of a champion unicorn as speed!!
Cat had many technologies to call on in his role of protecting me from all manner of dangers. He was pretty rubbish in my view at this protection malarky and always seemed to leave it to the last minute to grab me from the jaws of disaster. I think he enjoyed doing that (leaving it to the last minute that is!!).
Anyway, one tool he had which was generally very useful was his highly sensitive sonic radar. Unlike normal radar that detects objects and their movement, with sonic radar, Cat could also detect sounds very accurately. This basically meant that he could detect the smallest of objects easily, even if they remained totally motionless.
He often remarked that he always knew where I was because he could readily lock onto my brain, despite its size…….. cheeky little automaton!!