In an astonishing twist to the ongoing saga, Cortex, the behemoth behind the Intermix thought assistant devices, has been cleared of allegations regarding the illicit sale of private thoughts to shady third parties. However, not all is well in the world of thought exchange.
The latest from the Thought Commissioner’s office confirms that while Cortex’s hands are clean of direct data sales, they’re muddied by a bizarre mishap affecting their IntermixPlus units. It appears that a programming glitch has led to a near-comical yet troubling scenario where the private thoughts of couples—exclusively married or in civil partnerships—have been swapped or mingled without consent. Adding to the intrigue, this peculiar bug has only manifested in a remote part of Amazonia, affecting nearly all such couples.
While Cortex spokespersons have vehemently denied any data security breach, they sheepishly acknowledge the mix-up, assuring it was confined to this specific group and geography. Not surprisingly, local reports suggest the incident has hardly bolstered relationships, with a near 100% divorce rate in the affected area of Amazonia.
In response to these revelations, Cortex has committed to an extensive audit and overhaul of its systems to safeguard against future slip-ups. Meanwhile, Cortex ‘musks’ have taken a slight tumble, reflecting investor jitters around the brand’s image and the potential fallout from the many trashed relationships. On the plus side, local police report that incidences of criminal assault, verbal abuse, and involuntary manslaughter have plummeted leading one enforcement officer to complain that his livelihood had been destroyed by Cortex.
Stay tuned as this story unfolds. Will Cortex regain its footing in the competitive thought-assistant market, or will this be the glitch that saw too much? Only time will tell.
The Inspector and Cat 