Shares in Cortex, the world’s leading provider of Thought Assistants, plummeted yesterday as news broke that the Government Thought Commissioner was investigating them again.
Cortex marketed Intermix in late 2222. The basic Intermix unit allows users implanted to manage multiple thought-based conversations and collaborative tasks with others who have similarly implanted units.
A variation of the basic unit, IntermixPlus, can also automatically back up a user’s private thoughts if they request this. It is understood that a ThoughtNet marketing company has been using harvested private thoughts to target user promotions.
Cortex denies that any of its data security measures have been breached and has assured users that they have not passed on stored thoughts to any third party. It is expected that the Thought Commissioner’s investigation will last several months.
A Feline Perspective
“Inspector, if all humans were like you, neither Cortex nor the Thought Commissioner would have much work to do,” Cat said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back, narrowing my eyes at my mechanical companion.
Cat gave a faux innocent look, his whiskers twitching. “Well, given the almost total lack of thinking that goes into anything you do, it would be a rather peaceful universe. No thoughts to manage, no thoughts to back up, and certainly no thoughts to steal.”
“Very funny, Cat. I’ll have you know I think quite a lot!” I retorted, crossing my arms defensively.
“Oh, absolutely,” Cat continued, his tone mocking. “Like the time you thought it was a good idea to ‘improve’ my system by pouring a cup of coffee into my circuits. Or when you ‘thought’ we could outrun a Mud Lizard on a hoverboard.”
“Those were… learning experiences,” I mumbled, feeling the heat rise to my face. “Besides, that coffee incident was a genuine mistake.”
“Mistake, yes. Genuine, maybe. Beneficial, certainly not,” Cat replied, rolling his eyes. “The Thought Commissioner should actually thank you. You’ve shown that their services aren’t universally necessary.”
I sighed, realizing there was no winning this argument. “Alright, Cat, you’ve made your point. Now can we please focus on the matter at hand? We need to figure out what Cortex is really up to.”
Cat’s eyes gleamed. “Already on it, Inspector. While you were busy thinking about not thinking, I hacked into Cortex’s preliminary reports. Seems they were trying to mask some very interesting data streams.”
“Data streams?” I asked, leaning forward.
“Yes,” Cat replied, his tone now serious. “Data streams that suggest they’ve been doing more than just backing up thoughts. They might be using those thoughts for experimental purposes.”
I groaned. “Why is it always experiments? Can’t anyone just use technology for simple, honest purposes anymore?”
Cat patted my leg with a Rubabnon paw. “There, there, Inspector. If it makes you feel better, your lack of complex thoughts makes you completely uninteresting to Cortex. You’re safe.”
“Super, thanks, Cat,” I muttered. “Let’s just get to the bottom of this before someone decides my thoughts are worth investigating after all.”
As we continued our investigation, I couldn’t help but reflect on Cat’s words. Maybe he was right—sometimes, thinking too much just got in the way. But then again, in our line of work, it was the lack of thinking that usually got us into the most trouble.
The Inspector and Cat 