Month: February 2024

When The Inspector Thinks he Knows What he is Talking About….

“You see, Cat, the fascinating thing about Bryllium is its ability to absorb cosmic radiation, making it the perfect material for shielding. It’s like a sponge for the universe’s most harmful rays. That’s why it’s so critical in terraforming new planets.”

Cat, with a bemused expression on his face, replied, “A sponge, you say? while your analogy is creative, it’s about as accurate as saying you can use fish oils to block sunlight. Bryllium’s value isn’t in absorption but in its unique atomic structure that reflects and disperses radiation.”

The Inspector responded, rather defensively: “Reflects and disperses? Come on, Cat. I’ve read the reports. Its absorptive properties are what make it invaluable, especially in creating habitable zones on otherwise deadly planets.”

Cat tetchily replied, “Look moron, the only thing Bryllium is absorbing is your capacity for accurate scientific understanding. It forms a lattice that provides a barrier against radiation, yes, but through reflection and dispersion, not absorption. That’s elementary quantum physics.”

The Inspector, scratched at his head and mumbled, “Quantum physics? But the briefing mentioned its use in ozone layer regeneration and…”

Cat, interrupted with, “Ah, the briefing. Let me guess, as usual, you skimmed it over breakfast while bemoaning the lack of real coffee in the galaxy? Bryllium’s role in ozone layer regeneration is a byproduct of its radiation management properties. It doesn’t regenerate ozone; it stabilises environmental conditions, allowing for natural regeneration processes to occur more effectively.”

The Inspector responded more cheerily, “Stabilises conditions? Well, that’s what I meant. It’s all about making planets more habitable, right?”

Cat, sighed heavily and responded “In the broadest sense, yes. But your grasp of the specifics is as loose as your understanding of interstellar navigation. Perhaps next time, leave the scientific explanations to those of us with a processor that can draw on factual data.”

The Inspector, a bit embarrassed but resilient, replied “Alright, alright, you’ve made your point. So, enlighten me, oh wise and furry database. How exactly should I describe Bryllium’s importance?”

Cat held his high, fixed a hard start on the Inspector, sighed, and said “Think of Bryllium not as a sponge, but as a mirror. It reflects the dangers of space, allowing life to flourish in the shadow it casts. It’s a beacon of hope for future generations looking to the stars for new homes.”

The Inspector nodded appreciatively and said “A mirror in the stars. I like that. Much more poetic than a sponge, I suppose. Thanks for the clarification, Cat. I’ll stick to the tax codes, and leave the quantum physics to you.”

“A wise decision,” replied Cat. Though, if you ever wish to delve into the complexities of quantum physics, I’m here to enlighten you. After all, every cat enjoys a good play with the unknown, especially when it involves schooling their utterly stupid human.”

As their banter settled, the Inspector couldn’t help but marvel at the complexities of the universe and, somewhat grudgingly, admire the knowledge his artificial companion possessed. Despite the occasional embarrassment and misunderstanding, he knew that together, they were an unbeatable team, exploring the cosmos and unraveling its mysteries, one misstep at a time. He just wished that headquarters had given him a remote that he could use to shut Cat’s voice synthesiser off whenever he wanted to.

The Inspector refreshes his memory and decides Cat needs to as well.

As the auto-pilot was busy avoiding fragments of space debris, the Inspector had been refreshing his memory of the stories that had appeared at the time of Peakoch Thom’s fall from grace. He sat in the pilot’s console reading the historical aircast in front of his eyes.

Shaking his head in disbelief he exclaimed, “Cat, do you remember this? Peakoch Thom, the unicorn jockey, banned for life – caught using a prosthetic horn on Thrust,  his thoroughbred unicorn.”

There was silence as Cat continued to slumber, curled up on his chair in the cockpit, a short distance from the Inspector.

The Inspector drank the remaining water in the titanium-coated water bottle and then idly threw it at Cat’s head from which it duly bounced off. He then repeated, though in a much-raised voice,  “PEAKOCH THOM, THE UNICORN JOCKEY, BANNED FOR LIFE – CAUGHT USING A PROSTHETIC HORN ON THRUST.”

Cat looked up from his nap and drily said  “I heard you the first time you moronic Splart,” before going on, ”A prosthetic horn in unicorn racing is actually quite ingenious. Unethical, but ingenious.”

The Inspector retorted acidically, “Ingenious? Cat, it’s cheating! He was a legend in the sport, a seven-time winner of the Sinosovurean Cup! Why would he risk his reputation like that?”

“Perhaps the same reason you once tried to deduct 10 years off your age during a Galactic Speed-Dating event. Vanity and the pursuit of glory often cloud better judgment,” replied Cat.

Somewhat huffily the Inspector responded, “That was different, and I was undercover! But this… this was a serious violation of the sport’s integrity. Unicorn racing has always been about the natural bond and skill between rider and creature.”

“Natural bond, yes, but let’s not romanticise it too much. It’s still a competitive sport. And where there’s competition, there’s always someone trying to bend the rules, as you know,” said Cat.

“Yes, but a prosthetic horn? That’s not just bending the rules, it’s… it’s…”

Cat interjected as the Inspector struggled to finish off his sentence, “It’s a desperate attempt to cling to past glory? I agree. Still, it’s quite fascinating from a robotic standpoint. The technology involved to pass so many pre-race checks must have been quite advanced, though obviously in the end, not advanced enough.”

The Inspector sighed and said, “I don’t think it was technology that caught them out. It was rather the fact that one of the other jockeys had to be transported to an emergency Sky-Hospital to have the horn surgically removed from his rear end. Either way, it’s just sad, Cat. Thrust was a champion, and now his legacy is tarnished. Not to mention Peacock Thom’s career ending so abruptly.”

“True,” said Cat, “But let this be a lesson about the perils of desperation and deceit. Even heroes, and idiots masquerading as heroes, can fall from grace when they let ambition override ethics.”

“Yes,” said the Inspector, “A hard lesson indeed. Well, at least we can rest assured that our adventures, while often perilous, are always on the right side of the law.”

Cat smirked and responded, “I think if Earth Central looked into some of your financial affairs the law may take a somewhat different view. But let’s not go there. Instead, can we focus on something more pressing? Such as why there’s a half-eaten sandwich floating in the zero-gravity compartment? Even in space, one must maintain some standards of cleanliness.”

The Inspector glanced across and opined “Ah, that. A minor oversight in my ongoing experiments with space-food preservation. I’ll take care of it.”

“Experiments?” queried Cat, “More like wild guesses on your part demonstrating supreme levels of incompetence if you ask me. You have absolutely no understanding of what it means to experiment. You have the scientific acumen of a gamete. You’re lucky I’m here to keep things in order, or this ship would be a floating scrap heap.”

The Inspector, who wasn’t entirely sure what a gamete was, responded, “I appreciate it, Cat. Just like I appreciate your keen insight on the PeaKoch Thom situation. You always bring a unique perspective, even if it’s a bit… prickly at times.”

Cat, settling back down to his slumbers, replied “Prickly, insightful, call it what you will. I’m just here to ensure we don’t end up as space debris or, worse, succumb to the follies of a human who got missed out on the assembly line at the point when sensible connections between the synapses in your brain were being made.”

“Well, your ‘insight’ keeps things interesting, that’s for sure,” said the Inspector who wasn’t entirely sure what a synapse was either. Now, let’s clean up this sandwich mess and plot our course. We’ve got work to do.”

Cat: “Indeed, we do. Just remember, no artificial enhancements, please. We do things the old-fashioned way – with wit, courage, and a dash of intergalactic ingenuity. With most of all three coming from me of course”

The Inspector smiled and said  “Wouldn’t have it any other way, Cat,” before mumbling to himself, “Just wait until your next service is due you rubberised tin can”.

The Inspector and Cat Discuss Unicorn Racing

Aboard their spaceship, the Inspector and Cat were discussing the upcoming Sinosivurean Cup Unicorn Race.

“Cat, have you heard?” said the Inspector, Peakoch Thom’s son, Zephyr, is going to race in the Sinosovurean Cup on Starhoof. I have a feeling they’re going to win. You know, I’ve always had a knack for spotting a champion unicorn.”

Cat responded dryly “Oh, indeed? The same ‘knack’ that led you to bet on a three-legged Tortoisan in the Galactic Hurdles last year?”

The Inspector waved his hand dismissively “That was an outlier. But this time, it’s different. Starhoof has the lineage, the agility, and with Zephyr’s riding skills inherited from his father – it’s a sure win!”

“So now you’re an expert in unicorn genetics as well as racing” queried Cat, “I’m almost impressed. Almost. Let’s not forget your ‘expert’ navigation skills that once led us straight into the middle of a fusion war on Truktion.”

Inspector: “That was a minor miscalculation, Cat. But this – this is a matter of intuition. You can’t compute the heart of a champion, the bond between a rider and his unicorn.”

Cat replied sarcastically “Ah, intuition. Is that what you call it? I was under the impression it was blind optimism mixed with a dash of ignorance.”

The Inspector ignored Cat’s rudeness, after all, he was just a machine, and then smiled confidently, “Mark my words, Cat. Zephyr and Starhoof are the duo to watch. This is going to be a race for the history books.”

Cat in a mocking tone responded, “I’ll mark your words, alright. Along with all the other wildly inaccurate predictions you’ve made. Maybe I should start a log – ‘The Misjudgments of a fatuously pompous inter-galacticTax Inspector.'”

The Inspector chuckled knowingly then said “Laugh all you want, Cat. But when they cross that finish line first, you’ll see. I’ve got a sixth sense for these things.”

Cat stretched his front legs out in front of him and as he settled down for a nap muttered just sufficiently audibly, “You don’t have sense, sixth or otherwise. There are amoebae with more sense than you. Still, I suppose time will tell, maybe Starhoof will win. Eventually, you must surely get something right.”

Peakoch Thom: From Disgraced Jockey to Promising Trainer in the Sinosovurean Cup

In an unexpected twist in the world of unicorn racing, Peakoch Thom, once a celebrated jockey now banned for life, has re-emerged in the limelight. However, this time, he’s not the one in the saddle. Thom has taken on a new role, that of a trainer, guiding a new generation of unicorn racers.

Leading his fleet of hopefuls is none other than his son, Zephyr Thom. Zephyr, inheriting his father’s intuitive understanding of these mystical creatures, is set to ride in the upcoming Sinosovurean Cup. The young jockey has been training rigorously under his father’s watchful eye, hoping to restore the family name in this prestigious event.

The unicorn chosen for this monumental task is “Starhoof,” a majestic beast known for its radiant, silver-blue coat and a horn that glows with an ethereal light under the moon. Starhoof, rumored to be descended from the legendary unicorn line of the Nebulae Herd, has shown exceptional speed and agility in the preliminary trials.

Peakoch Thom, speaking about his new role, said, “While I can no longer race, I can impart my knowledge and experience to Zephyr. Starhoof has the spirit and the strength to go far, and I believe together, they can make magic in the upcoming Sinosovurean Cup.”

This comeback story is not without its sceptics, however. Many in the unicorn racing community are wary of Thom’s involvement, given his past. Critics argue that his presence in the sport might bring back the shadow of his previous misconduct. Supporters, on the other hand, see this as a tale of redemption, where a fallen hero seeks to right the wrongs of the past through a new generation.

As the Sinosovurean Cup approaches, all eyes are on Zephyr Thom and Starhoof. Will this duo rise to the occasion, or will the weight of the past prove too heavy? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain – the world of unicorn racing is about to witness an exhilarating chapter in its history.