Extracts from our Memoirs

Planet Pzzsxamix

……I bounced off the sides of the shaft, which seemed very smooth and after falling for what seemed like 10 or 15 seconds I hit what I presumed was the bottom of the shaft, making a surprisingly soft landing. Again I wondered where Cat was as I started to peer around me in the near total darkness. I could hear some faint mewing and as I stood up I realised why my landing had been so soft. I had landed on Cat. Fortunately, for me, he had somehow reached the bottom of the shaft before I had.

Cat’s eyes suddenly glowed brilliantly in the dark, he had turned them up and I could now see quite clearly around me. We were indeed at the bottom of a shaft with 4 separate passageways that I could see running off from the shaft. Which one to take I wondered? Cat was still lying on the ground, emitting a very odd sort of whistling, hissing sound and looking a little flatter than usual.

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The Play Planet
Death by gas attack

……Just as I paused playback to refill my glass of Baffleberry juice, it happened. Out of the corner of my eye something had moved. I looked slightly to my right and to my surprise saw that a single leaf had dropped from my prize potted Ficus benjamima tree onto the faux wood floor. Then another leaf dropped, followed by a further 3 in quick succession. I drew in a short breath of surprise, as that tree had had the same number of leaves on it for ages, and then I realised I couldn’t breathe out. I could taste thick noxious fumes that I couldn’t see and my lungs seemed paralysed to exhale. A gas attack I thought, as my mind raced. I had always wondered when one of the unsavoury characters I’d caught out cheating on their taxes would get me back. Suddenly my defence training kicked in and I dropped to the floor and managed to ‘splutteringly’ exhale before having little choice but to draw in some more foul air. Useless ruddy survival training!!. Fortunately, there was enough O2 in what I took into my lungs to provide the strength for me crawl to the floor button by the windows and press to open them. As I was on the 723rd floor, plenty of fresh-ish air gushed in and I rolled over onto my back and gasped new life into my now aching lungs.

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The Dinosaur Revolution
Mooching about on leave whilst Cat gets prodded

……“How do you feel after your upgrade?” I enquired. “Total waste of my time” said Cat, “Could have done everything they did myself in half the time” he continued. “Ahh but it’s surely better to have the experts doing the work. After all they are in the best position to respond if anything went wrong” I responded. “Ruzzy fertywootsch fridoty bulldafs” grumbled Cat. I wasn’t sure what dialect he’d used but was pretty sure that what he had said was less than complimentary towards the lab technical staff. “So what new features do you have now then after the upgrade?” I asked politely. “Hardly anything worth mentioning” said Cat. “Got some new location sensors that mean I can track an object the size of a flea on the surface of a planet. Though why I would want to track a ruddy flea is beyond me. I can also now hover up to 25 feet from the ground”. “Really” I said. “Does that mean if I throw you out of the window you won’t actually hit the ground”? “No I doubt that” said Cat. “The hovering capability wouldn’t be powerful enough to slow me down given the sort of heights you usually throw me from”. “Oh that is good news” I said smilingly.

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