It’s not just about Peeing
“Excuse me,” I said rather indignantly, “I hardly think a rubber binary number cruncher can be expected to understand the significance of that particular item of equipment to a man. It isn’t just about peeing. There are other things you know, simply about ‘being’. A man without his willy is like a hovercar without the autopilot. And,” I added, “will you please use the correct anatomical term. It’s willy, NOT penis. Saying ‘penis’ makes it sound so, so….’functional’.
“Oh my apologies,” said Cat rather sarcastically, “perish the thought that any part of you, or rather, an apparently former part of you, should be considered functional.”
This exchange, as annoying as it was, had distracted me from the fact that I now had a tail but no willy. To think, when I had left home to go to the police Skystation, all my bits were in order. Less than half a day later I was a phenotypic mess.
“What are we do to Cat?” I implored of my artificial companion, “what are we to do?” I repeated pitifully.
“Well,” said Cat, adopting a rather superior and greater tone, “what we mustn’t do is panic. We must stay calm whilst I process and calculate.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I responded in apparently perfect Mudlizard. “You haven’t lost your willy.”
“How could I?” responded Cat, “I don’t have one.”
“Exactly,” I said somewhat triumphantly, “You don’t have one. So how could you possibly understand the significance of the loss? I mean, how would you feeliof you lost an antenna for example?”
“Oh for goodness sake,” spat Cat, I’m not a 21st Century digital radio you know. I don’t have antennae!!”
“AHH but if you were you would realise how essential an antenna was to you functioning,” I responded.
Cat struck a kind of hovering ‘front paws on haunches’ pose as he looked down at me and spoke,
“Look, if I were a 21st Century digital radio I am sure that I would regret, if I happened to be a digital radio with a brain, losing my antenna. I agree with you there. For the proper functioning of such a device, my memory banks tell me that an antenna was quite important. However, those same memory banks, looking back through the annals of human anatomical history, do not afford the same level of essentiality to the penis for effective human function.”
“Well that’s just nonsense and it would seem obvious to me that the annals of human anatomical history must have been largely put together by people clueless as to the contribution of a Willy to one’s well being.”
To be continued………..